the betes.

the other night was kind of a monumental night for me.for the first time since i was diagnosed with the betes, i was able to get up during a low in the middle of the night and get a juice all by myself while brad was still sleeping. when lows happen in the middle of the night, brad is usually the first one to notice-either by him waking up in a pool of sweat coming from me, heavy breathing, or me trying to get up but collapsing somewhere on the floor, and he's the one my life relies on for that moment. i can't even describe in words the panic that comes over you when your experiencing a diabetic low. you feel like you have only seconds to get that sugar before you go brain dead. One docter said "it's like someone putting a pillow to your brain. your brain is suffocating when it has no sugar". in all honesty, that's how it feels. you feel like your suffocating. and i promise you it feels like you haven't eatin in weeks. diabetes is a crazy thing. my heart breaks for people that have had to deal with it since kids. i hold the highest honor to them. i know they have a strength and understanding for life and a sense of control that you find through having diabetes.

when me and brad were in canada when i found out i was diagnosed, i was told i had to spend the night in the hospital to get my sugars regulated. so we went back to my grandma's house to get my clothes. it was the first time i was alone to think about what was happenin. it hadn't really sunk in yet. i think it was all kind of a shock. i was in the room and my first reaction was to go to my knee's and ask for comfort and strength. for some reason all i could think about was how grateful i was for medicine, for educators, for doctor's....and most importantly, to me anyways, for brad. i felt a strength i had never felt before. i almost felt motivated. i felt like this was my battle. the only words i could muster to my Heavenly Father was "i'm so grateful".
i knew he knew my heart and what i was thinking. He has helped me through this, to maintain almost a sense of humor about it. a constant understanding and somewhat of a maturity, which is weird for me to have any sense of maturity at all. well, i shouldn't say constant understanding, i crave sugar like the next guy-and yes i do indulge. but over all, i feel lucky. i feel so blessed.
what an incredible family i have. they are all there for me, always. mine and brads family.
i hope in the next life they can somehow be able to feel my gratitude for them.

brad has helped me, listened to me, comforted me and tried to understand me more than i could have ever asked. even though i have the disease, he has to deal with diabetes just as much as i do, and i applaud him for that. my life has had to depend on him more than i can count. and i can't tell you how patient he is with the moods. ohh the moods. you think your husband dealing with a period is bad enough. try having a period AND the highs and lows of sugars at the same time. it's unfathomable. it takes one heck of a guy. and i feel lucky to have him by my side.
so now after i conquered a low all by myself at the hardest time in the night (i sound like i'm 3) i feel like i have officially detached my reliance from brad onto myself. i know i still need him, i'll always need him. but i feel a boost of confidence now, and motivated to keep going on with the betes.

(i promise i'm so sorry if you actually read the whole thing, it was way too long. just had to jot down the thoughts. also, brad took that picture awhile ago-promise it makes me happy for some reason, maybe because in that picture it looks like i have everything under control, ha.)