cousin love.

stace came over today to work her magic behind the camera on ivy.  

(which explains the white blanket)

i tell ya, she's a magician with that thing. 

in between shots, reese kept asking to hold "baby ivy". 

when she would hold her she would say over and over again in the cutest, highest pitch voice, 

"hi.....hi......hi.....hi", all while stroking her face or hand. 

these little moments do something to me that i can't explain. 

seeing her loving my little ivy so tenderly and petting her over and over again was like feeling heaven in my living room. watching her love my daughter so much and want to be near her and touch her was like watching angels interact. both these little people still have so much heavenly love that the world hasn't taken away from them yet. the purest of love. 

i can honestly say, i'm the happiest i've ever been in my life. 

i can't believe how scared (scared being a huge understatement) i was to have a kid. 

i love my little family so much. 

obsession.

 my heart can't handle these two. 

i'm so obsessed with how much he's obsessed with her.  

did that even make sense?

and i love even more that i feel like a third wheel when we're all hanging out. 

instagram catch up.

gosh her little oxygen tubes kill me. i can't wait till we can take those off for good.
i can't tell you how much i'm obsessed with this child. i could (and do) stare at her for hours. nothing else matters in my world. her milk breath, her stretches, her sad faces she makes while she's sleeping, her accidental smiles, her girly sighs, her staring back at me and brad...i could go on forever. this week has been the best with her in our lives.

i was texting pictures to brad while he was at work of Ivy, and he texted back, "gosh i love being a father". and he's a damn good one too. i've never been more turned on and in love with brad than when he's holding her, feeding her in the night, (for something that is supposed to be so natural, breastfeeding for me, is not.), burping her so gently, and going down to give her a kiss and ending up just laying his head next to hers because he can't stop kissing her.

the peace that comes with a sleeping child is heavenly. not because she's asleep, but because the house all of a sudden fills with an angelic feel. you can actually feel a little slice of heaven that's still so attached to her.

it's funny because before she was born, my main goal was to NOT get stretch marks. now i look at my chubby, morphed body that's drenched in stretch marks, and none of that matters anymore. it's funny how all of that goes out the door. all that matters now is keeping this little angel close and loving her. i'm sure one day i'll wake up and hate my body and do everything i can to get it back to normal, but for now, i'm just so grateful my body was capable of getting pregnant and was able to carry her for 9 months.

welp, she just woke up....gotta jet :).

p.s. a fantastic song we've been loving lately-Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros-Child. give her a listen, you'll love it.

she's home, we're finally a family!

she's finally home!
all we've been doing today is laying on our bed staring at her.
we're beyond satisfied doing only that too.

last night the NICU  had us spend the night in one of their rooms with her because she's still on oxygen, so they wanted us to get used to the machine before discharging us. we were so excited to have a sleepover with our girl.  and ivy was pretty excited too because she freaking slept only one hour. which means, so did we. that morning we were both looking so rough. we were brushing our teeth and looked at each other and couldn't help but laugh. brad said, " welcome to our new life".  i can only imagine having a full week with sleep like that. or a full month.

but i have to say, the times in the night when brad was laying down trying to sleep, while i was rocking her with her wide eyes staring right up at me, with only the dim light on....were priceless. it makes me want to cry thinking about it. or at 2:30 in the morning she had a huge dukie that was so loud. me and brad were hovering over her little bed trying to change her and laughing so hard because of how intense her farts were.  those are the moments i know we're going to live for.  ahhhhhhhhh, i can't wait!

introducing....

Ivy Charone {sher-on} Elder

born July 31st, 2012

coming into the world at a gigantic 9 lbs 14 ounces.

after 22 hours of labor, and a c-section,

she was finally in our arms...but only for literally a few minutes.

she had to be rushed down to the NICU and has been there ever since.

we're praying she's out by next week, but until then, we literally look forward to every. single. second we get to spend with her.

she's in there because hypoglycemia is pretty common with newborns who have type 1 diabetic mammas.

her poor little body is so used to having to produce more insulin because of my sugars.

so until they're regulated, we don't get to hold her.

literally the hardest thing we've ever had to do was say goodbye to her.

it's funny because our home seems so empty now.

and it was so depressing seeing her empty carseat in the back on the way home.

oh my gosh do we love her. now i know what all you motha's out there are talking about when they talk about love. it's indescribable really.

but here's to hoping we get her all to ourselves next week!!

monday is the day!

i feel like i've been obsessing over old, priceless pictures of me and brad. 

pictures that make me literally giddy to be a mom. 

pictures that calm my nerves when i think about birth, weight gain, dealing with no sleep, a crying baby,

boobs that kill, and a healing body.

these pictures make me want to laugh everything off and treasure every moment with my girl. 

monday morning i'm going in to be induced. 

the thought of holding that little girl on tuesday sends shivers all over my body.

good shivers. shivers of knowing our life is officially starting.

i can't wait to introduce her to you!

that mexican tub i'm holding is actually jaclyn. can you fathom??

Just hanging out.

so i got my membranes stripped.  the dr. said she's big enough to come any day, but just in case, i have an induction date for july 30th. i can't tell you how much i want this baby to come.  not because of how sick i am of being pregnant, but just to hold her and get to know her to...to raise her with brad. to make her ours. 

it almost intimidates me thinking of where she's coming from, and the bar that is set for how much love she deserves. i hope we can match all the love she is receiving right now from our Heavenly Father. 

i hate thinking that she has to leave Him. 

i've been the utmost boring companion around these parts due to the size of my bod. we're in need of some good excitement around here, and her showing up would be just the ticket. 

so here's to hoping :).

brad introduced me to this fantastic band that i've been loving.  here's a sample.  but i would highly recommend looking up the rest of their music if you like this song, they won't disappoint.