i love not being pregnant.

today is my 6 week mark since giving birth.
(saying that brad is excited is an understatement)
today i jumped on the tramp for the first time since ivy.
and let me tell you........it. felt. incredible.

each day i feel stronger and stronger, which i am truly so so grateful for.
i started running 2 weeks ago (more like walking with a bounce), and i started doing workouts from when i was teaching aerobics along with jillian michaels. i'll never, ever, ever, ever take my body for granted again. i also want to slap myself so hard for ever calling myself fat before. especially since i gained a gargantuan......wait for it....65 pounds. yup, 65. so ya, you can say i'm pretty ecstatic to be able to jump on a tramp again. and although i have what feels like a thousand pounds still left to lose, i'm so happy to be doing everything i once used to.

i'm tired.

well, i can honestly say today was probably the most tired i've ever been in my life. 

i think all the no sleep is finally catching up....and i have a feeling it's only just begun.

at 3 this morning when i heard her little duck quack cries telling me she's hungry, i almost couldn't get my body out of bed. literally. i laid there just blinking my eyes. somehow i did. and when i did the thought of changing her diaper seemed like running a half marathon. i think at one point i was even closing my eyes while wiping her bum.

the rest of the day has pretty much seemed like that. i've been dragging my body around the house. 

brad came home and off i went to go grocery shopping.  i was in the produce section and no joke, i sat there staring at the apples for about 5 minutes. i forgot everything and why i was even there and just sat there...staring.  i'm sure i looked ridiculous standing there staring in my nasty pajama pants and greasy hair.

if you're a mom that gets ready every day....kudos. 

my hat is forever off to you. 

i'm still in yesterdays underwear and i barely brushed my teeth today. 

i have a feeling i'm going to make motherhood look ugly and stinky.

thank goodness for sundays, or else i think i'd never get dressed. which is when these pictures were taken.

and thank goodness i'm so obsessed with loving her, or else days like these would be straight up torture.

things i never knew before having a baby.....

i never knew how easy it would be to pick bogies out of my babies nose. especially with my gag reflexes.

i never knew how funny it would be to sit and watch your babies face while she was taking a huge poop.
i never knew how much pandora's comedy station would come in handy in the middle of the night.
i never knew how hard it would be to go to the bathroom while holding a baby in one arm the whole time.
i never knew i would be this non-stop all the time and yet still feel like i accomplished nothing in my day.
i never knew how hard moms actually work.  emotionally.
i never knew how much i would think about the atonement after her birth.  i can't even come close to comprehending giving my child to the world, for their sins no less.
i never knew or even had the thought of how much i would love seeing other people love my child.
i never knew i would get so feisty while touching my babies thighs.  sometimes i have to walk away or else i would squeeze them to death.
i never knew how hideous stretch marks actually were until they were spread all throughout my body.
i never knew i could actually sit on my butt for 3 hours just staring at her face.
i never knew my nipples could feel so raw.
i never knew or thought i would be the type of person to explain to my mom how to feed a baby. ew, i want to slap myself thinking of when i told my mom how to hold the bottle so ivy didn't suck air. thank goodness my mom understands the mind set of a new mom.  but still.....i'm so embarrassed. she's a professional for frick sakes.
i never knew brad would have such a huge crush on this girl. like....he's obsessed you guys. i'm genuinely jealous.
i never knew real love until now. and not just for my baby, but for brad for loving her.  for my mom and dad for loving me. for brads mom and dad for loving him, and for friends and family loving and supporting us.

labor day weekend in park city.

**those of you who are following me on instagram, i'm deeply sorry.  seeing these pictures again can get pretty dang annoying.

my mom got us a condo up in park city for the weekend with the family.  and thank goodness she did because it was truly a blast. and by blast i mean the laziest weekend of my life. being together sure brings out the "lazy sack" in us all. eating, talking, eating, reading celeb magazines, eating, watching keeping up with the kardashians...and eating, pretty much sums up what us weidners do best. not to mention dancing. this weekend was the first time i full out danced since the delivery. i was just waiting for me to lose all control of my body and rip open my incision. thank the high heavens i did not. 

getting out.

friday night we hit up park city for some dinner and took a beautiful walk along the mountainside.  

i loved being out with the family. (i like saying family and referring to our threesome) 

the weather was pitch perfect with a slight breeze, and the nature was gorge. 

that fresh air was exactly what i needed. 

and seeing brad pee on the side of the trail and on his pants was just what i needed too. 

i think ivy loved it too because she kept making these girly sighs every 5 seconds in her stroller.

i'm gonna go kiss her chubby butt cheeks right now......just because i can. 

music i've been loving lately...

i had a huge fear that when my girl was born my music was going to come to a dead hault. well, if anything it's become even more a part of my life.  it's constantly playing in the background while i'm feeding her, cleaning, walking, eating, showering and i promise even going to the bathroom. now, i'm not blazing some of the old stuff i would before she was born, but i have found some of the best music that is calming for me and i don't feel like i'm ruining her soul.

thought i'd share some with you...

the staves have stolen mine and brads heart and soul.  their voices put us in a dream.  they are constantly playing in the background of our house.

edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros have become a rapid fast favorite.  this is only one of the many songs i've been loving from them.

brad introduced me to this song, by king creosote, and it captured my heart. its extremely calming and i love the words so much.



this next artist is also becoming a fast favorite.  ryan darton.  and he lived in salt lake for awhile so i consider him local:). not to mention he's an extremely nice person which makes him even more likeable.



and last but absolutely not least, husky. my sisters friend introduced these guys to us and ive been thanking him ever since.


well there ya have it.  thank goodness for music eh?

thank goodness for wise nurses.

the night before we left the hospital, one of the sweetest nurses came into our room to see if we needed anything else before leaving.  she sat with us for a bit talking about how incredible these first months of having a baby are.  she went on to explain that no matter how tired you are, or how stressful it may seem at first, this time will only be a small moment and to treasure every single day. even in the night when you're up with her and wanting to sleep, keep reminding yourself that you will eventually get sleep again, but you won't be able to hold her in your arms this way because they grow so fast. 

well, i took her words to the very core of my heart. i don't know if that nurse will ever know the impact her words actually had on me. it's come to the point of actually looking forward to holding her in the night when she wakes up.  it's so quiet, it feels calm, the lights are dim, and all she wants is to be held. rocking her, just us two, has become something i live for. i don't have to share her, i don't have to worry about things needing to get done, or even getting ready. it's just me and her awake while the world sleeps. 

don't get me wrong, i still feel extremely tired in the day and it's hard to keep my eyes open in the night, but instead of feeling anxious and irritated from waking up, i feel like that nurse set me straight. i feel calm and a longing to hold her, and gratitude to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with such an angelic little girl. because she's right, she won't be "new" anymore. and there will come a day when she probably won't ever let me hold her this way again.